Open Heart Soul-gery

As I begin to stare into a daze,

I can see this visual coming to me,

I can’t really explain it, but this is what I see.

I see me, laying across the operating table.

Getting ready for the operation.

I see the surgeon, this big mighty, majestic surgeon.

I’m just thinking to myself, “I pray to God that He knows exactly what He’s doing”

Cause I don’t really trust that He does.

My hearts been dropped before,

So I don’t really trust another to hold it.

How does He know what to do?

Can He see what I see?

Can He feel what I feel?

Cause my hearts been hurting for a very long time now,

And it’s been causing other issues with different areas of my life.

Kinda like the Woman with the Infirmity for 18 years.

Just bent over for so long that idk what it’s like to stand up.

And almost like my sister with the issue of blood.

She’s been to every physician, every hospital, every doctor.

Continuously giving her heart to many,

just so they can fix it,

But none of them have been able to stop the leak that’s been coming from her heart.

I see Him opening me up, but I’m supposed to be sleep.

Falling into a deep sleep, just as He did Adam as He began the operation.

I’m watching Him very closely, because to be honest.

I just couldn’t trust what He was doing.

But this surgeon is supposed to be the best surgeon of all.

Surgeon of all surgeons.

Healer of all healers.

Because that’s what’s said about Him.

So I gotta believe it right?

Because we walk by faith & not by sight right?

I don’t wanna be like Thomas, where I gotta see it to believe it. Yeah no that’s not right.

Cause that not faith, if I’m watching everything with my sight.

That’s what said in His word.

So it must be true, right?

His word, that is all truth. Right?

But so much of me, is still constantly looking for the lies amongst His truth.

I was still struggling to trust it.

But let me continue with what I see.

I see Him, with His mighty right hand,

Reaching in & out of my heart.

Taking out everything that hardens it,

& everything that hardens me.

The hurt, the pain, the sorrow & every fear.

But as I watch Him, dig more & more into my heart,

I start to squirm, cause I can feel the exact pain that I’ve been feeling all this time.

He’s getting too close, now I can feel Him getting closer & closer.

Now actually He’s way too close.

So now I gotta back Him up.

He was getting too close to the problem,

But this surgeon knew exactly where to go,

So that my heart can start healing.

Trust me He says,

I only know the ins & outs of your heart.

I know you, but you don’t know me.

Understand me, know that I want no harm for you,

Because my plans are never meant to hurt you,

This open soul-gery is only meant to prosper you, & not to harm you.

This operation is meant to bring you hope, cause I know your future.

I can hear Him asking me, “but won’t you trust me?”

I say so little, but I have so much to say.

So I begin to put the words in my heart as if it were a tablet, since He’s in there anyway,

& this is what my heart begins to say.

Mr. Surgeon, please help me. I don’t want to continue to be this way.

My heart is filled with hurt, sorrow, fears & pain.

Can’t you see it with every stitch you make?

What do you see that I don’t see, that’s causing my heart beat this way?

It’s your hurt, it’s your pain.

Please let me take out these ashes, in exchange for some of my beauty.

You see, I want this harden heart to become so soft & yet so full.

Full of me & full of my love.

You see you’ve never experienced this type of love before.

My love I give to you, is the perfect love that you’ve been searching for,

The love that you’ve been yearning for.

I remember,

My heart, is yearning for your love.

I saw you,

I heard you,

I want to give you my love.

But this blockage that you have,

This shield that you have,

This hurt, this pain, this unforgiveness of the past,

Is stopping my love from getting in.

You’re so guarded,

Yet you want me in,

But you won’t come out.

See I am a gentleman I mean you no harm,

But you’ve been hurt by a man,

That also didn’t mean you any harm.

Won’t you trust me, to heal this hurt,

To heal this pain?

We must start with the surgery of your heart,

Because it’s tearing up your soul.

You see child, I don’t want this for you,

I only want what’s best for you,

My very best.

But remember what I told you?

My child you don’t believe me,

You won’t trust me.

I want you to take my hand, as I operate on your heart.

I won’t let you go & I won’t leave you on this table.

But you have to trust me with the utensils that I must use,

To get this pain out of your heart.

Please trust me , as I know what’s best.

It’s going to hurt, it may even sting.

But if I may promise you,

We will get through this together.

May you trust me?

Please trust.

Help me Mr. Surgeon,

Please help me Father.

Father oh Father,

Hallowed it be thy Name.

I know that it’s you,

I’m watching you taking out the things that hurt me,

& you’re trying to replace it with what’s best for me.

But my heart’s condition has been conditioned for so long.

How long will this take?

How much longer will this take?

I can’t take the grief, I can’t take the anguish.

I don’t want to be in this place for much longer.

My spirit knows that there’s so much more.

But my flesh is telling me that this is what’s best.

Please help me to see what you see Father.

So I can have your very best.